Please don't use social media to get back at me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
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