The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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