I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Randomize
