I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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