oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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