im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
