Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
