i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
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