Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
