Where is the hickey?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
