i just wanna soil my oats bro
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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