I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
