I'm lost and stupid without you.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
