before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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