I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
