After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
