everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
