Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
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