Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Oh god it's open bar.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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