no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
