Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
