I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
