Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
