My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
