My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
