Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
