You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
