Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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