I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
