good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
