True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
