So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
