Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
