So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Randomize
