I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
