Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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