I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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