this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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