I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think i got beer on your cat.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
