look no pants
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
