Your face is a jimmy john
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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