I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
