its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
