i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
