Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
