I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
