like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
