I can text with my tongue
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
