YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
