I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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