i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
